What would you say to your younger self?
Early on, following my autism diagnosis, I wrote myself a letter. I’d started re-processing absolutely everything about my life up to that point. It felt therapeutic to put some of that into writing. Things I wish my younger self could have heard, with the benefit of hindsight…
I’ve interviewed a lot of autistic women since then, who have all been on the same rollercoaster. Revelation after revelation of childhood or teenage experience that suddenly makes sense through the lens of autism. Exhausting and enlightening in equal measure. And - for the record - still happening to me nearly six years later.
In every interview, I ask: What is one thing you wish you could tell your pre-diagnosis self?” Below is a rundown of all the replies.
I’d definitely recommend answering this for yourself, if you haven’t already. Just as a thought experiment, or as a piece of writing.
What does younger-you need to hear? What would it have been a comfort to hear? What would you say to a child like you if you met them today, and saw they were having a hard time? When I wrote mine (see the full letter here), there were a lot of tears. But it felt good to let that out, and let it go.
Here are all the answers I’ve had to the question: “What is one thing you wish you could tell your pre-diagnosis self?”
“You are FINE. Stop being so hard on yourself and just go with the flow. Things will be okay, trust me.” - Alsie (interview here).
“Be patient because the information is coming. My pre-diagnosis self did the best I could with what I had; my post-diagnosis self does better because I have more information.” - Becca (interview here).
“No one gives a shit if you don’t go to the party. Saying no and respecting your own boundaries is ok. You don't have to do the things that make you feel uncomfortable.” - Charlie (interview here).
“I would give her some reassurance. I would tell her you are stronger, more talented, and worth so much more than you think you are.” - Caz (interview here).
“You don’t have a problem and you don’t have to change yourself to solve it. The issue lies with a society based on the average neurotypical brain and it is not your fault that it doesn’t suit your needs. Be true to yourself and you can live a healthy and happy life, without constantly worrying about standing out. You do stand out and that’s ok.” - Catherine (interview here).
“That I’m not broken. That there is joy to be found in unexpected places.” - Jodie (interview here).
“If I was parenting the child that is me I'd be having lots of curious conversations. How is that for you? Oh isn't that interesting... I noticed that this happened, why don't we talk about it? I think that kind of open curiosity is what allows you to include all the parts and I think children are incredibly capable of making sense of things if you give them room.” - Alice (interview here).
“I’d tell myself to hang in there, take it day by day, and that everything gets better. As a kid, I couldn't imagine making it past 25 because I thought I’d be an outsider forever. But by my mid-20s, I began finding my place and making friends and growing into myself. So yeah, just be patient, take every day at a time.” - Emer (interview here).
Finally, here is how I ended my letter:
Do the things that make you happy. Ask for help with things that are hard. And don’t change for anyone.
Your brain doesn’t work like most brains. That makes some things difficult. But it makes you really good at other things, too. Your brain is what makes you weird. And, you know what? All the best people kinda dig that.
You won’t find out you’re autistic for a really long time. I don’t know if it would have helped to know sooner... but I’m really glad that I know now.
Take care, Little Lauren.
Big Lauren x
